Archive for September, 2010
Elizabeth Elliott was the first to teach me about the beauty of surrendering my desires concerning my future husband. In her book, Passion and Purity, she discusses the difficulty of waiting for Jim and the joy of being able to surrender the desire to be with him.
Joy of surrender.
When I wrote in my journal that I was jealous of my newly married friend and yet joyful because I have the ability to surrender the hope, dream and desire for a husband it wasn’t a paradox.
I confess I am jealous. I am less jealous than happy for my friend, but still jealous nonetheless.
I confess I am joyful. I will gladly remain single if it means His Kingdom is strengthened and encouraged, not that I can strengthen the Kingdom in and of myself.
The reality is, it is God who works in me, to will and to act according to his good purpose (Phil 2:13), and together we make a difference. You and me, together. You, being obedient to what God has called you to do today, and me, doing the same.
You may read a book. You may take a walk in the park. You may have coffee with a friend and gush about her wedding plans. Whatever it is, it is what God ordained for you to do today before the foundations of the world were created. (Eph 2:10)
Confess your jealousy. Be joyful that you have a sacrifice to give. Journal your hopes and dreams. Devote yourself to prayer, being watchful and thankful for what He will do with them. (Col 4:2)
In my last post I explained what I did on my last bbd. This post, I need your help.
What are some of your “do’s and don’ts” for the bbd’s. I’m sure there will be many more in the future so more tips are beneficial!
Here’s a small list to start you off…
–watch Jane Austen and/or other Chick Flicks
– be alone
–find a friend(s) to be with
–exercise–the endorphin things are supposedly helpful.
What do you do on bbds??
My last bbd did not start out so well.
On bbd’s you have two choices–you can wallow or you can work it out.
At first, I chose to wallow. With no fight left in me, I put in a Jane Austen flick. Ladies, I do not recommend Jane Austen on bbd’s! No good can come from it! And no good came from it. Although I do enjoying watching Ms. Elinor Dashwood and Mr. Edward Ferrars’ love story, it does not lend itself as wisdom to a lady singleton in 2010. It is just a movie after all.
It wasn’t until I was at church later that evening that I decided it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and realized there are a lot of good things I still possess. And while concentrating on the things I have yet to receive is the much easier, and more natural, thing to do, it was time for me to start being thankful.
At first I couldn’t think of anything to say “thank you” for, so I started singing praise songs and it became easier to see the goodness God has given me.
Did you read that…it became easier. Working your way out of a bbd is no easy task. Choosing to focus on good rather than wallow in wanting is not easily accomplished. You have to determine good days are worth fighting for. Once you’ve made this decision, it will become easier.
Towards the end of the church service, a simple prayer was said. It will become my prayer when the next bbd comes along.
”Lord, if I cannot receive freedom from this, then give me freedom in it.”
It’s almost defeating.
And yet it doesn’t surprise me.
About the time I begin a new blog that will hopefully encourage singletons everywhere, I run right smack into one! Yesterday was a bbd.
Oh, you don’t know what a bbd is? bbd = bad boy day.
A lot of lady singletons have them. But in case you do not know what I am talking about, let me define a bbd for you.
A bbd can begin as early as the alarm goes off. It’s a day when you are just done with being single and then weird things start happening. Every man you see could be your potential husband. You begin to notice every left ring finger on every man that walks by you. Men who are not normally your “type” are now attractive. You start rationalizing that your standards are too high and maybe you should date the creeper from the Italian restaurant you frequent. You smile at everyone and pray that the desperateness you are feeling doesn’t ooze out.
Ever been there?
Yeah, bbd’s are never fun.
What do you do on a bbd? How do you cope? Do you have any tips for how to survive on these days?
My next entry I’ll tell you how I handled it…
And I mean it!
I had dinner last night with seven amazing singletons and asked what they’d like to hear about and what they are/have struggled with in their singleness. I hope to address some of those topics soon!
I hope this becomes a community of conversation and I get to join in discussions with you.
So let me ask you, single lady, with what are you struggling?
In Colossians 2:2-3, the apostle Paul is talking to the Christians in Colossi. He makes this statement about them and the town next to them, Laodicea:
“I want their hearts to be encouraged and joined together in love, so that they may have all the riches of assured understanding and have the knowledge of God’s mystery—Christ. In Him all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are hidden.”
I’d like to echo his thoughts. It is my hope that this becomes a place where we single women can come so our hearts ca be encouraged as life happens. And not only will we be encouraged, but we will search scripture to see the truth, how to apply it to today and the struggles that accompany it.
So I ask again—what would you like to discuss? Anything come to mind? Ever had a well intentioned friend say something that hurt your heart? Do you wonder if you should ask him out? Do you cringe whenever your pastor speaks on I Corinthians 7 and “the gift of singleness”?
I’m in the café. Writing.
It is what I do most days. I have always dreamt about this opportunity and it’s here.
And I am broke.
And I couldn’t be happier.
My life has not turned out as I had written in my high school “Where-Do-You-See-Yourself-in-10-years” paper. Had that actually happened, I would be living with my husband and three children somewhere in Michigan, teaching Sunday School and being an amazing wife and mother.
Instead I am in the middle of a career change, live in a converted barn apt, in Franklin, Tennessee.
I’m glad I did not know then, that I would be doing this, now.
Therefore, let me dedicate this blog to you—to the woman who finds herself not exactly where she thought she would be.
At “this” age.
Here’s to us!
What would you like to discuss??? Leave a comment and we’ll talk about it!