The last week has been a mentally rough place for me. There is constant battle between right and wrong thinking. Wrong thinking is when you start believing the negative things people may have said about you. Typically it leads to self-loathing and the if/then line of thinking. If I were _____, then I would ______. Right thinking, then, is the opposite. It is a finding your self-talk positive, based in scripture, on who your Creator says you are. Right thinking is unshakable truth, because Abba is unshakable.
To make a long story sort, it’s been a battle. Two verses came across my path this week–I pass them on to you. We need not dwell in our pasts, but we do need to remember the God who lived there and that His promises are for us.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you.” Isaiah 43:2 (amplified bible)
Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident. Psalm 27:3
It’s rainy this Monday morning. My car wouldn’t start. Because it is raining the internet in the barn, that is my home, isn’t working well. I’m working from my landlords kitchen table, listening to the thunder and watching the rain make everything more green. I am also waiting for my neighbor so we can jump my car.
Because my car wouldn’t start and because my boss is gracious and letting me work from home, I am able to get my laundry done, I will be able to make it to the gym, and will be able to work longer before a friend visits this afternoon. All things I had been wondering when I was going to fit it in this week. Not to mention the new girl who started work today needs to use my desk today.
It all reminds me that God is sovereign. When I was frustrated that my car did not start this morning, I did not see the other things I would be able to accomplish while ‘stuck’ at home. I was frustrated and wanted to start my day over.
God knew better. So often we’d like a ‘do over’ concerning deep parts of our heart. But God is up to something. He’s in the process of working out things that are not on our radar’s yet. In the moment, its frustrating. In the long-term, it’s beautiful.
Lately I’ve been hearing various versions of this statement:
“I am just having a really hard time being single right now.”
Are you there? Because I have been. So much so that I don’t even want to read this blog, let alone write it. I don’t want anything else to remind me that I will get attending another “and guest” event, alone.
And eventhough these days happen, we know 355 days out of the year we are okay. We remember the greatness of singleness. We are not jealous. We relish the small joy of eating a bowl of ice cream for dinner, or not have to get up before 7:00 on a Saturday morning. We are elated that we can go set our own schedule and manage our own money.
So, as I try and think of something to write that would encourage us on the I-hate-being-single-days, I was a lost for a moment. Then I reminded myself that life will not always be like this. I reminded myself that I’m on an adventure and I do not know what this afternoon holds, let alone tomorrow. I remember the great girlfriends I have and the richness of our friendship. I shift my focus from what I do not have–to what I do posses. I refuse to let my singleness define all of me and I get myself to the gym so I have some form of happy endorphins.
Because one day can make a whole lot of difference! Tomorrow may be one of the 355 that I am well.
Alice made a comment on the last blog post-that got me to thinking…
As women, it’s important that we learn to be aware of the men in our lives who we know like us, but we do not like that way. Why? I’m glad you asked.
Ladies like to be told we are pretty. We like to receive gifts. (Which is probably why when my first grade boyfriend gave me a pencil as he said “I don’t like you anymore” I wasn’t devestaed, not to mention I was in first grade) We like having a guy who will attend events with us or who will fix things in our apartments.
Yes, we can have guy friends, that’s not who I’m talking about currently. I mean when you know he likes you, and you know you do not like him, and you continue to let him you’re just leading him on.
In these situations, we need to learn to discern if we like the man or the attention. And when you have determined which it is, be gracious enough to be honest with him about your feelings. He’s a nice guy, he deserves to know the truth.
My friend Ben writes a blog. He’s pretty good at keeping your attention, making you laugh and presenting truth. I like his blog. I like him, he’s a good friend. And I have a response. He posted this article that gives 35 Signs that He is Into You.
After you’ve read the article you may notice my question. In case you missed it:
Question: Is it all of the signs combined? Or one or two? Or 75% of them. Because a lot of my guy “friends” use a lot of these “signs”. Are you suggesting they all would like to ask me out? and if so–why aren’t they?
Definitely not all combined, but if you notice a few signs, its worth investigating. Remember to take everything in context as well. Are the guys your talking about treating other girls the same way? Then it could just be he’s a nice guy.
I think those last two sentences are key. Does he treat other girls the same way–is he just a nice guy? Personally, I’m not friends with too many jerks so they probably are just being kind, which I appreciate. But when I read lists like Ben’s, or from MSN or Yahoo!, I mentally go through every guy I know and see if he has used any of the signs because maybe I’ve missed something. And I’m not the only girl who does.
So when a guy comments on how cute my shoes are, and I remember reading an article that it’s a sign that he likes me if he notices my shoes; one of my first thoughts is “This guy likes me! I wonder if he’ll ask me out?” And he then he doesn’t. Because he’s probably just observant and being kind.
There is far too much effort spent reading and decoding what a guy is saying and/or not saying If he doesn’t ask you out, he’s just a being nice. There are a lot of nice or observant guys who are getting frustrated because they can’t be nice to a girl without the girl thinking he likes her. It’s exhausting I tell ya, exhausting.
Which brings me to my main point–don’t rely on signs!The ask-out is the sign. If he likes you, he’ll ask you out–in person or over the phone and not via text.* We all need to learn to use our words. It’ll save us enormous amounts of energy. I promise.
*if you are a guy who asks girls out via text, stop it. It’s lame and always leaves girls wondering. If you are a girl who says yes via text, stop it. Say something like “call me and find out”. At the very minimum you deserve the phone call.
I was having dinner last night with a lovely friend of mine. We were talking about the wedding she attended last weekend. It was a friend whom she had known since 7th grade. The couple had been in so many places at the same time but had never meet each other. Ten years ago they were sitting in the same livingroom, in the same town in China, but because the group was so large they never meet. They learned his best friends went to college with her and many other random events happened where they should have met before they did.
My first thought was something like “God really wanted them to get together!” and my second “His timing is crazy!”
I’m sure there are countless numbers of couples who stories are like this. You begin dating and realize you grew up near each other or that you know the same people, etc. And sometimes you wonder why you didn’t meet before. Why didn’t that couple meet in China? Why didn’t you meet when you first started attending church instead of three years later? Why is he asking your roommate out and not you?
Truth is–we can’t answer those questions. But I have a theory. It’s all about timing. It’s about God’s perfect time. His direction and leadership. His giving us perseverance that leads to character. It’s about Him receiving glory and us knowing there is no way we could have pulled off a story like the one He is writing. It’s about us knowing anything we manipulate to get, we will not keep. It’s about losing our illusion of control to increase trust in the One does, indeed, have control. It’s about Him. Not about us.
…mixed emotions. I was so happy and excited about being with Jesus. So happy and excited about the unknowns He has instore for me. Becoming content with the idea that I have no idea who my husband will be–and instead of that thought depressing me it filled me with hope. (to the glory and praise of God) And then I opened an email from a friend with this video.
Ladies..bookmark it. When thebbd’s comearound–watch it. Remind yourself. He–whoever he is–is worth the wait.
A couple of weeks ago I got an email from Catalin. She’s one of the brillant minds behindthis website. Apparently they really liked this post of mine and passed it on. These ladies make me laugh! It’s so fun, I had to pass it on.
Caitlin, Kristy–thanks for the shoutout.
Ladies–if you have any topics you’d like to see them discuss, let us know.
I’m excited. It’s finally here. It’s for you and it’s free. What is it? It’s a little sumthin’ sumthin’ I put together for you. It’s a 30-day prayer experience (for lack of a better word). It was March of 2010 when God let me know I should write a book of prayers. Honestly, it seemed silly to me, seeing as any one can pray at any time for any reason. But sometimes we don’t have the words to say what our hearts mean. I hope this will give you some words to the thoughts you didn’t know you had. I hope it draws you a little deeper into the heart of your Creator.
I purposely didn’t edit it too much, because prayers shouldn’t be edited. They should be honest and simple, using real words. So if you feel so inclined you can download a copy for yourself and for friends and for family and for your co-workers and for…you get the point. Where do you get it? Glad you asked. It’s under my gigantic head at the top of this page–along the heading’s you’ll see a new page entitled “Freebies”. Click and download there.